Tag Archives: sad

Is it time?

We’ve all watched movies, read books and saw quotes saying how hard it is for someone to try again with anyone after being hurt by one person. I’ve always believed this theory was true, but I’ve recently realised that I myself haven’t tried with anyone else because of one persons actions towards me. 

This isn’t a post about a girl trying to get over someone. It’s far from that. I’m writing this post so people can relate to the difficulty of allowing yourself to open up and be with someone else after being hurt so badly.

Whether it was your first love, your husband, your childhood sweetheart and regardless of what age it happens at, it’s a pain you never seem to ever get rid of.

Although “time heals everything” sounds soothing to the ear, psychologically i think its far from the truth. All time does is allow you to get used to what happened and live with it, you never forget the pain or the feeling. Time doesn’t heal anything. Only you can allow yourself to heal.

Recently I admitted to myself that the reason I’ve never got in a relationship with anyone else is because of me. I am the reason I never went further with another boy. I’m the reason every time I feel strongly towards someone it ends. I’m the one who pushes someone away every time something good could happen.

And it’s because I am so scared to be hurt again. I know people will be cringing at this post, but I know I’m not the only girl or boy in the world, who’s mind tells them to push someone away and run at the first sign of attraction.

It’s a battle between my heart and my head. My head is viciously trying to leap forward, grab happiness with two giant hands, and hold onto something amazing, never letting go. Whilst my heart is attacking and winning the battle, flooding my head with loneliness one too many times.

It’s a cliché statement but unfortunately it’s true.

My advice to anyone who feels the same, and the advice to myself is to try. Go on that date. Talk to people. Take chances. Even if you aren’t ready yet, that one crappy date might make you see you will meet someone as amazing again. You will fall in love with someone again, and I’m pretty sure it will be a much better, stronger love than the first.

Just remember, you’re the only person not allowing yourself to be happy again. Don’t push the next person who likes you away. Give them a chance. They are not the boy who broke your heart and left you crying at 4am in the morning, wondering what you did wrong. They could even be the one you spend the rest of your life with.

So next time instead of fussing, just say yes to the guy. What have you got to lose?

Hannah

xoxoxo

 

 

13 Reasons Why: The Book vs The Series

One of my favourite things to tell people is, “I’ve never watched a film/series that is better than the book.” For example, take Me Before You, the film doesn’t half capture the pure emotion and heart break in which the book does, and so therefore affirms my statement. However, after starting watching 13 Reasons Why, my opinion may have *slightly* changed.

Jay Asher is one of my favourite authors. I first discovered Jay Asher after achieving an A* in my English Literature exam, and like the geek I am, ordered 13 Reasons Why to reward myself.

For those who don’t know the book is about a girl named Hannah Baker, who committed suicide. A boy name Clay is left 13 tapes at his doorstep, which he has to listen to, in order to discover the 13 reasons, as to why Hannah killed herself.

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One of the reasons I love this book, and would highly recommend it to anyone reading this post, is because of the purpose and message behind the book. The fact that you never really know how you’re affecting someone’s life. You never really know what is going on in someone’s life.

I think after reading this book, you will look at the world differently. Everyone suffers in their own way and I think people don’t always realise that the small things they do, add to a bigger picture of suffering in someone’s world.

I’ve only watched the first few episodes so far of the new series on Netflix, however I have to admit they’ve done a really good job of putting the words into a picture.

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I think even within the first few episodes, the directors and actors have really pulled out the emotions felt by the characters, for example Clay’s paranoia from the tapes and the confusion as to what they mean.

The series manages to hook in their audience too. I’ve read the book, but still want to watch, and people discovering 13 Reasons Why for the first time, will want to keep watching more to discover what’s on the tapes, why Clay is so important to them, and most importantly why Hannah is dead.

But on that note. It is fair to say the book is *sighs* better than the series. For 2 simple reasons.

  1. There wouldn’t be a series if Jay Asher had never picked up a pen and written the book.
  2. Reading the book allows you to imagine what you want, and it’s normally always a better picture in your own head.

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Grieving

This year I’ve lost many important people to me, my granddad passed away and I no longer have someone in my life who I thought would be there forever. But it got me thinking – what is the worst type of grieving, grieving for someone who has passed away or someone who is still alive?

Losing a loved one to an illness is the most heart breaking feeling in the world. You hold onto every chance for a miracle, that maybe, even though medical professionals said there is no hope, that there is hope, they will survive.

I remember the exact time and place I was when I got told my granddad had passed away earlier this year. I literally couldn’t speak. It was like my whole body went numb. It was the feeling that I could no longer hold onto false hope or prayer for a miracle, reality had took over.

For days I couldn’t think straight, it was such a big shock to all my family and also left a huge whole in the family. We no longer had our concrete base. It is now ten months on and I still don’t think there has been a minute of any day I haven’t thought of my granddad.

But as much as grieving someone who has passed is the most awful feeling in the world, because you know you would trade the world to have them with you today, there also comes acceptance with the fact that they are no longer suffering or in pain. It also helped me to think that my granddad was now back with my grandma, the woman he loved, so if there is a heaven he must be happy.

However grieving someone who is alive is also heart breaking. The fact that you know they are just around the corner is the worst feeling. When someone passes you know they are in peace, with someone who is alive, you would do anything to see them and it is easy to go see them, but you know you cant.

I think the hardest part of grieving someone who is alive is seeing them, yet not even smiling at them. Someone who used to know you like the back of their hand, now you don’t even say hello. Such a funny world.

It’s so hard knowing someone is just getting on with their life. A life you used to be a huge part of, but now mean nothing to. Losing a person is also losing everything and everyone that comes with them, and that is so sad.

In both cases, there comes a point of acceptance and you have to be happy. With my granddad I am happy because I shared amazing memories with him and I know he is in peace now with my grandma. With the person who is alive I accepted that they just simply weren’t meant to be in my life. Sometimes you learn you are better off without people. As the saying goes “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

So what do you think? Which is worse, grieving over someone who is alive or someone who has passed away?