Tag Archives: relationships

Is it time?

We’ve all watched movies, read books and saw quotes saying how hard it is for someone to try again with anyone after being hurt by one person. I’ve always believed this theory was true, but I’ve recently realised that I myself haven’t tried with anyone else because of one persons actions towards me. 

This isn’t a post about a girl trying to get over someone. It’s far from that. I’m writing this post so people can relate to the difficulty of allowing yourself to open up and be with someone else after being hurt so badly.

Whether it was your first love, your husband, your childhood sweetheart and regardless of what age it happens at, it’s a pain you never seem to ever get rid of.

Although “time heals everything” sounds soothing to the ear, psychologically i think its far from the truth. All time does is allow you to get used to what happened and live with it, you never forget the pain or the feeling. Time doesn’t heal anything. Only you can allow yourself to heal.

Recently I admitted to myself that the reason I’ve never got in a relationship with anyone else is because of me. I am the reason I never went further with another boy. I’m the reason every time I feel strongly towards someone it ends. I’m the one who pushes someone away every time something good could happen.

And it’s because I am so scared to be hurt again. I know people will be cringing at this post, but I know I’m not the only girl or boy in the world, who’s mind tells them to push someone away and run at the first sign of attraction.

It’s a battle between my heart and my head. My head is viciously trying to leap forward, grab happiness with two giant hands, and hold onto something amazing, never letting go. Whilst my heart is attacking and winning the battle, flooding my head with loneliness one too many times.

It’s a cliché statement but unfortunately it’s true.

My advice to anyone who feels the same, and the advice to myself is to try. Go on that date. Talk to people. Take chances. Even if you aren’t ready yet, that one crappy date might make you see you will meet someone as amazing again. You will fall in love with someone again, and I’m pretty sure it will be a much better, stronger love than the first.

Just remember, you’re the only person not allowing yourself to be happy again. Don’t push the next person who likes you away. Give them a chance. They are not the boy who broke your heart and left you crying at 4am in the morning, wondering what you did wrong. They could even be the one you spend the rest of your life with.

So next time instead of fussing, just say yes to the guy. What have you got to lose?





A summer romance or a summer of too much alcohol?

If I have one thing in common with Kyle Minouge, it’s definitely that I should be lucky in love. But as her song writing suggests, she is the total opposite. And so am I.

In June, after the stress of exams and deadlines flew away, awaiting till next December to creep upon me again, I set off with my best friend (Phoebe) for a week away in the sun. After a hectic year, all I wanted was booze, sun and fun with my friend. No boys were needed in that equation.

On the first night, as nothing ever goes normal when me and Phoebe are together, we bumped into a group of girls, who had lost their friend. This may sound a very average scenario, but the odd thing was this stranger who had lost her friend in a foreign country (and had also lost her phone), decided to go buy a kebab. Instead of look for her friend. If that doesn’t describe girls in 2017, I don’t know what does.


Throughout the week we met new friends, lets call them Emily and Rachel. On around the fifth night in Zante, we found them down an alley way, which led us to taking them to the hospital, where they had to stay for the night.

Let this be a warning to all people going away next summer; be careful about what you are consuming. The vodka they drank was literally bleach. And bars were selling this.

But, as humour has to be found in every situation, Emily gave Phoebe her phone to find Rachel. To which Phoebe found messages between them about us two. So girls here is another lesson, either don’t bitch about people or if you’re going to, don’t get that pissed that you’ll give the person you’ve been slagging off your phone.


We also met a group of people who worked together at McDonald’s, which included: a lesbian, a couple and just a boy. All week we got called Brighton by this group. We are from Sheffield.

So one night they dragged us in to a club called Waikiki (I would highly recommend this club). And this is where the ‘summer romance’ began.

We met a group of boys from Leeds, who were staying in the room next door to us. And I may be biased being from the North, but people from the North are definitely the funniest people I have ever met. Although one boy, lets call him Jack, seemed to stand out from the rest (or was I just a few too many vodkas from sense?)

The night we met them, I didn’t stop laughing for one minute. It was the kind of night where you forget the existence of everything and everyone and just live in that moment. No worries. No stress. Absolute carefree freedom.

Hannah and Phoebe at Pure Beach.

To sum up the events of that night quickly: we played ‘the floor is lava’ down the strip, where one of the boys ACTUALLY stood on top of a plastic water bottle and it didn’t crush or fall. I ended up falling over getting out the shower, and then the lesbian next door picked me up and dropped me on the floor in front of everyone. This sounds pretty PG, but I only had a towel around me. The towel fell off when she dropped me.

Facing my embarrassment I spoke to the boys the next morning, and we all left for the pool party. I hoped being slightly sober I wouldn’t do anything too humiliating, whilst my new friends were there. BUT, my rep had different ideas for me. She made me join in a competition of being a ‘salmon’, whilst jumping into the water. (If you don’t know what it is please Youtube it!) Now, after researching ‘salmoning’, imagine doing that, and being watched by the boy…

The week went by so fast, as though someone had put us on fast forward and it was over in the blink of an eye. Me, Phoebe and ‘Jack’, spent most of the holiday together after meeting. He would have lunch with us, rather than his friends and spend most of his time with us. Which even led to arguments with the group he had came with.


When it was time to leave after spending a week with these boys, they merely gave us a good bye. At this point I felt pretty devastated. I had met a boy who I got on with so well and like every girl, believed something would come of it. And I didn’t even get a wave goodbye. I felt gutted at this point, I had made amazing memories with someone who I would never see again and nothing is worse than mourning a memory alone.

However, we then found each other online and it did cross my mind that this could be something. We spoke for hours and days and months. And then it all stopped. Even though it was nothing big or a long term relationship, it still hurts to lose a person in your life.

Months went by and we stopped contacting each other. In August me and Phoebe went to Liverpool, to celebrate her 20th. After I came out the bathrooms, I walked straight into a boy. The boy was Jack. I’m not saying I believe in fate, but this was no coincidence. We spent the whole night together and spoke about everything that happened. The night left me feeling quite confused. As it’s not everyday you bump into that one lad from Zante.

However, after this night we never spoke again. To this, I think that maybe, on both occasions: Zante and Liverpool, I had just drank too much. And it clarified that I am very, very unlucky in love.


Hannah xoxoxo



My Home.

What makes a house a home? Or does a home even have to be a building? Is it merely just the place you go to find comfort, or even the person who makes you safe? To me, home is where you belong, the little tiny corner of the world, where you find your own place.

Growing up I lived in a newly-built family home, on a very neighbourly estate, till the age of eight when my parents split. I then found I had two houses, in which I had the harsh consequence of packing my life up every weekend, to go to and from each house.

Any child with separated parents will know how annoying and tiring it is to not really know what house is your home, or where you want to go when you feel down and upset. One positive I gained from having two different houses, is that if I was ever upset at one house, I could escape a situation, by running away to the other.


However, then I grew up even more, discovered the world of boys and found by the age of 16, I had 3 houses, in which I very much lived at. So instead of packing my life up to go to and from two houses, I now had a third included, meaning my life revolved around always having a bag full of necessities with me, as I never knew which house I would be at come night time.

Fast forward two years, I’m 18 and off on my new adventure to yet another new home in a brand new city. Nottingham. Here, I discovered many new people, from very varied backgrounds, yet we made our flat a home for us all to live comfortably in. I would very much say I saw Nottingham as my home. I found myself never going back to my actual ‘home’ with my mum.


So, what made Nottingham so different? Independence? Freedom? I was experiencing adulthood for the first time. Doing everything my own way. Maybe the blur of a new life, meant I develop a special love for the city, that I will keep with me for the rest of my life.

A home, becomes a home when its a place you feel safe, comfortable and loved. Sometimes, it is a person who makes you feel at home. Sometimes, it’s your favourite place that you discovered as a child. Sometimes, it is simply your family house. Everyone has a different definition of what home is to them, and most of the time, it just isn’t the place you live. It’s your safe place.