Tag Archives: life

Is it time?

We’ve all watched movies, read books and saw quotes saying how hard it is for someone to try again with anyone after being hurt by one person. I’ve always believed this theory was true, but I’ve recently realised that I myself haven’t tried with anyone else because of one persons actions towards me. 

This isn’t a post about a girl trying to get over someone. It’s far from that. I’m writing this post so people can relate to the difficulty of allowing yourself to open up and be with someone else after being hurt so badly.

Whether it was your first love, your husband, your childhood sweetheart and regardless of what age it happens at, it’s a pain you never seem to ever get rid of.

Although “time heals everything” sounds soothing to the ear, psychologically i think its far from the truth. All time does is allow you to get used to what happened and live with it, you never forget the pain or the feeling. Time doesn’t heal anything. Only you can allow yourself to heal.

Recently I admitted to myself that the reason I’ve never got in a relationship with anyone else is because of me. I am the reason I never went further with another boy. I’m the reason every time I feel strongly towards someone it ends. I’m the one who pushes someone away every time something good could happen.

And it’s because I am so scared to be hurt again. I know people will be cringing at this post, but I know I’m not the only girl or boy in the world, who’s mind tells them to push someone away and run at the first sign of attraction.

It’s a battle between my heart and my head. My head is viciously trying to leap forward, grab happiness with two giant hands, and hold onto something amazing, never letting go. Whilst my heart is attacking and winning the battle, flooding my head with loneliness one too many times.

It’s a cliché statement but unfortunately it’s true.

My advice to anyone who feels the same, and the advice to myself is to try. Go on that date. Talk to people. Take chances. Even if you aren’t ready yet, that one crappy date might make you see you will meet someone as amazing again. You will fall in love with someone again, and I’m pretty sure it will be a much better, stronger love than the first.

Just remember, you’re the only person not allowing yourself to be happy again. Don’t push the next person who likes you away. Give them a chance. They are not the boy who broke your heart and left you crying at 4am in the morning, wondering what you did wrong. They could even be the one you spend the rest of your life with.

So next time instead of fussing, just say yes to the guy. What have you got to lose?





Positive mind, positive life.

My mum always tells me about “the law of attraction”, a conversation I regularly shrug off my shoulders and tell her how much nonsense it is. But, in the past few months, I’ve began to really believe that it might not be all that silly a concept.

The law of attraction is the name given to the theory that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, you bring positive or negative experiences into your life.

The theory goes on to develop the idea that you are responsible for events that happen in your own life, due to how you focus your attention. The law of attraction suggests that if you look for good in the things you do, you will have a positive experience.

In essence the theory allows an individual to have the control of how their future develops. Therefore if you want to gain something great out of an experience and are hopeful about it, the experience is likely to be positive.

For example if you focus your thoughts on being broke, poor and lonely and believe these thoughts, you will be just that.

So why have I suddenly started believing in the law of attraction?

Take me back 6 months ago, and I would compare myself to everyone. They’ve got more money and so can experience more than me, someone on my course is doing amazing work experience over summer whilst I’m working my same old retail job, someone’s happy with their boyfriend when I’m still single.

Back in October I went to a radio station to be an intern. I went in at 5am in the morning not really having a care in the world if I got the internship or not, which was very unusual for me. I sat there being questioned by the presenters and just thought to myself “I know I’m never coming back so why am I even here?”

Until recently, I’ve never really noticed that my negative energy towards the situation gave me a negative experience. When looking back, it was an amazing opportunity, which I should have grabbed with both hands.

But when I stopped looking at everything negatively and actually seriously wanting to reach goals, I started to achieve them. Just today, I’ve been accepted to be part of a research team for a new BBC three series.

Take me back to October and I never thought in my wildest dreams I would be writing that sentence. But, it’s so crazy that when I wrote out my cover letter, updated my CV, and sent my email to the producer, I sat there thinking “I know I’m going to get this.”

And so, I have started to believe that the law of attraction is a very real theory. Since I’ve had a positive outlook in everything I do, whether it be towards my relationships with people, my university work, my everyday life, I’ve began to see a massive change.

So tonight’s advice to anyone reading my blog? Positive mind equals a positive life.




Adult-ing time.

December 2017 marks my last month as a teenager. Daunting over the fact that I am nearly half way to 40, it got me thinking about how fast all these years have gone and looking back, would I do anything differently?

This week I found my year 11 leavers book, where my friends and class mates wrote lovely notes about me, and probably not what they really thought. Many of the messages in this book were written by my closer friends. There messages always had the same sentences in them: “whatever happens I know we’re going to always be best friends”, “I can’t imagine you not being my friend”, “we will always stay close”.

I couldn’t say a particular moment when it happened, how we drifted, how we stopped talking everyday, but I can’t say that even one of the people who wrote these messages are now a close person in my life.

It’s strange growing up, because you don’t see it happening. You wake up everyday just thinking it’s another day and before you know it you’re leaving school and off to college, you blink again and you’re at university starting a whole new chapter in your life.


One of the big things I look back on and question if I regret, is growing up with a boyfriend. From the age of 14 until I was 18 I was in a relationship, so thinking about all those years, most of my memories are attached to that person. It’s a weird feeling, sharing a life with someone who now doesn’t exist in your life anymore. They’re people  you meet throughout life, who will know you in ways that no one else will ever know you again.

But, if it wasn’t for meeting a boy at the age of 14 and growing up together, I wouldn’t be the person I am today, I wouldn’t have experienced the things I have, and my life would be completely different. And for that reason, I don’t regret it. I can’t imagine what my school years would’ve been like without us meeting. I suppose it’s that question of how different would your life be if that one thing never happened?

Another thing that really hits me, is that people I went to school with are now engaged or pregnant. If that doesn’t show growing up, I don’t know what does. It’s scary to think that 3 years ago we were getting drunk and going to house parties, sharing drunken secrets, even still having sleepovers and now these people are creating their own family.


After year 11 finished and we had the choice of sixth form or going to a sixth form college. I, being me, decided to be different and move away from all my friends. This is one decision that always stays in my mind, if it was the right thing to do or not. Moving away, made me lose lots of close relationships I had in school. I went to college for better education, and to make new friends. But the reality was that I only really made a handful of new friends, who I don’t even speak to anymore.

So, in a way I do regret moving away. But in a much bigger way, I am always grateful I went to college or me and my best friend wouldn’t have become close. I’ve had many ‘best friends’ throughout life, but I’ve never met such an honest, true friend as Alicia. Although I didn’t come away with bundles of new friends, I came away with one real friend, and that means much, much more to me.


Growing up has also taught me that my mum is the most amazing person in the world. As cliché as it is, she is my best friend. The first person I ring when somethings gone wrong. The first person I ring when I have good news. The first person I sit and ring for hours on end to talk about absolutely nothing. As I got older, I really realised how much she does for me and how remarkable she actually is.

Looking back, I don’t think I can say I regret anything, although they’re many moments that I wish hadn’t happened. But if they hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be the me that I am now.

Here’s to turning 20 and hoping my 20s are good to me.


Hannah xoxoxo


A summer romance or a summer of too much alcohol?

If I have one thing in common with Kyle Minouge, it’s definitely that I should be lucky in love. But as her song writing suggests, she is the total opposite. And so am I.

In June, after the stress of exams and deadlines flew away, awaiting till next December to creep upon me again, I set off with my best friend (Phoebe) for a week away in the sun. After a hectic year, all I wanted was booze, sun and fun with my friend. No boys were needed in that equation.

On the first night, as nothing ever goes normal when me and Phoebe are together, we bumped into a group of girls, who had lost their friend. This may sound a very average scenario, but the odd thing was this stranger who had lost her friend in a foreign country (and had also lost her phone), decided to go buy a kebab. Instead of look for her friend. If that doesn’t describe girls in 2017, I don’t know what does.


Throughout the week we met new friends, lets call them Emily and Rachel. On around the fifth night in Zante, we found them down an alley way, which led us to taking them to the hospital, where they had to stay for the night.

Let this be a warning to all people going away next summer; be careful about what you are consuming. The vodka they drank was literally bleach. And bars were selling this.

But, as humour has to be found in every situation, Emily gave Phoebe her phone to find Rachel. To which Phoebe found messages between them about us two. So girls here is another lesson, either don’t bitch about people or if you’re going to, don’t get that pissed that you’ll give the person you’ve been slagging off your phone.


We also met a group of people who worked together at McDonald’s, which included: a lesbian, a couple and just a boy. All week we got called Brighton by this group. We are from Sheffield.

So one night they dragged us in to a club called Waikiki (I would highly recommend this club). And this is where the ‘summer romance’ began.

We met a group of boys from Leeds, who were staying in the room next door to us. And I may be biased being from the North, but people from the North are definitely the funniest people I have ever met. Although one boy, lets call him Jack, seemed to stand out from the rest (or was I just a few too many vodkas from sense?)

The night we met them, I didn’t stop laughing for one minute. It was the kind of night where you forget the existence of everything and everyone and just live in that moment. No worries. No stress. Absolute carefree freedom.

Hannah and Phoebe at Pure Beach.

To sum up the events of that night quickly: we played ‘the floor is lava’ down the strip, where one of the boys ACTUALLY stood on top of a plastic water bottle and it didn’t crush or fall. I ended up falling over getting out the shower, and then the lesbian next door picked me up and dropped me on the floor in front of everyone. This sounds pretty PG, but I only had a towel around me. The towel fell off when she dropped me.

Facing my embarrassment I spoke to the boys the next morning, and we all left for the pool party. I hoped being slightly sober I wouldn’t do anything too humiliating, whilst my new friends were there. BUT, my rep had different ideas for me. She made me join in a competition of being a ‘salmon’, whilst jumping into the water. (If you don’t know what it is please Youtube it!) Now, after researching ‘salmoning’, imagine doing that, and being watched by the boy…

The week went by so fast, as though someone had put us on fast forward and it was over in the blink of an eye. Me, Phoebe and ‘Jack’, spent most of the holiday together after meeting. He would have lunch with us, rather than his friends and spend most of his time with us. Which even led to arguments with the group he had came with.


When it was time to leave after spending a week with these boys, they merely gave us a good bye. At this point I felt pretty devastated. I had met a boy who I got on with so well and like every girl, believed something would come of it. And I didn’t even get a wave goodbye. I felt gutted at this point, I had made amazing memories with someone who I would never see again and nothing is worse than mourning a memory alone.

However, we then found each other online and it did cross my mind that this could be something. We spoke for hours and days and months. And then it all stopped. Even though it was nothing big or a long term relationship, it still hurts to lose a person in your life.

Months went by and we stopped contacting each other. In August me and Phoebe went to Liverpool, to celebrate her 20th. After I came out the bathrooms, I walked straight into a boy. The boy was Jack. I’m not saying I believe in fate, but this was no coincidence. We spent the whole night together and spoke about everything that happened. The night left me feeling quite confused. As it’s not everyday you bump into that one lad from Zante.

However, after this night we never spoke again. To this, I think that maybe, on both occasions: Zante and Liverpool, I had just drank too much. And it clarified that I am very, very unlucky in love.


Hannah xoxoxo



My Home.

What makes a house a home? Or does a home even have to be a building? Is it merely just the place you go to find comfort, or even the person who makes you safe? To me, home is where you belong, the little tiny corner of the world, where you find your own place.

Growing up I lived in a newly-built family home, on a very neighbourly estate, till the age of eight when my parents split. I then found I had two houses, in which I had the harsh consequence of packing my life up every weekend, to go to and from each house.

Any child with separated parents will know how annoying and tiring it is to not really know what house is your home, or where you want to go when you feel down and upset. One positive I gained from having two different houses, is that if I was ever upset at one house, I could escape a situation, by running away to the other.


However, then I grew up even more, discovered the world of boys and found by the age of 16, I had 3 houses, in which I very much lived at. So instead of packing my life up to go to and from two houses, I now had a third included, meaning my life revolved around always having a bag full of necessities with me, as I never knew which house I would be at come night time.

Fast forward two years, I’m 18 and off on my new adventure to yet another new home in a brand new city. Nottingham. Here, I discovered many new people, from very varied backgrounds, yet we made our flat a home for us all to live comfortably in. I would very much say I saw Nottingham as my home. I found myself never going back to my actual ‘home’ with my mum.


So, what made Nottingham so different? Independence? Freedom? I was experiencing adulthood for the first time. Doing everything my own way. Maybe the blur of a new life, meant I develop a special love for the city, that I will keep with me for the rest of my life.

A home, becomes a home when its a place you feel safe, comfortable and loved. Sometimes, it is a person who makes you feel at home. Sometimes, it’s your favourite place that you discovered as a child. Sometimes, it is simply your family house. Everyone has a different definition of what home is to them, and most of the time, it just isn’t the place you live. It’s your safe place.






It’s Time To Say Yes.

Time and time again, I’ve told my self that I will do something challenging and exciting. But, like most people I live a very dull ordinary life. So it’s always been more of a ‘action speak louder than words’ kind of thing, in the sense that I’ve always said I would do things, but never actually do them.

So, when I got an email saying I could go to Peru and climb to Machu Picchu for a charity, I did what I normally do and imagined going. I imagined how amazing it would be, how lucky I was to have this opportunity and how much fulfilment I would get out of trekking to Machu Picchu, whilst raising money for charity.

I decided to pay for my trip, and go and explore Peru. This was the day I started saying yes.

I’ve said yes to committing to trek for six hours a day with 5kg-10kg on my back, for a fantastic charity called Childreach International. The charity works to help children in five countries, have a better more fulfilling life.

It’s a fantastic opportunity as I will be raising a goal of £2895 to go to the charity, whilst at the same time I will have the experience of a life time exploring Peru.

I’m doing something I’ve never done and actually leaving the small village I live in and exploring a different part of the world, with people who will hopefully become my new friends.

I have a donations page set up to help me reach my target set, I am hoping to get £250 by the 19th December, so I will be fully on my way to my target.

You can also donate £3 by texting UNLOCK 193923 to 70007!

I’m grateful for any donations big or small!




This year I’ve lost many important people to me, my granddad passed away and I no longer have someone in my life who I thought would be there forever. But it got me thinking – what is the worst type of grieving, grieving for someone who has passed away or someone who is still alive?

Losing a loved one to an illness is the most heart breaking feeling in the world. You hold onto every chance for a miracle, that maybe, even though medical professionals said there is no hope, that there is hope, they will survive.

I remember the exact time and place I was when I got told my granddad had passed away earlier this year. I literally couldn’t speak. It was like my whole body went numb. It was the feeling that I could no longer hold onto false hope or prayer for a miracle, reality had took over.

For days I couldn’t think straight, it was such a big shock to all my family and also left a huge whole in the family. We no longer had our concrete base. It is now ten months on and I still don’t think there has been a minute of any day I haven’t thought of my granddad.

But as much as grieving someone who has passed is the most awful feeling in the world, because you know you would trade the world to have them with you today, there also comes acceptance with the fact that they are no longer suffering or in pain. It also helped me to think that my granddad was now back with my grandma, the woman he loved, so if there is a heaven he must be happy.

However grieving someone who is alive is also heart breaking. The fact that you know they are just around the corner is the worst feeling. When someone passes you know they are in peace, with someone who is alive, you would do anything to see them and it is easy to go see them, but you know you cant.

I think the hardest part of grieving someone who is alive is seeing them, yet not even smiling at them. Someone who used to know you like the back of their hand, now you don’t even say hello. Such a funny world.

It’s so hard knowing someone is just getting on with their life. A life you used to be a huge part of, but now mean nothing to. Losing a person is also losing everything and everyone that comes with them, and that is so sad.

In both cases, there comes a point of acceptance and you have to be happy. With my granddad I am happy because I shared amazing memories with him and I know he is in peace now with my grandma. With the person who is alive I accepted that they just simply weren’t meant to be in my life. Sometimes you learn you are better off without people. As the saying goes “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

So what do you think? Which is worse, grieving over someone who is alive or someone who has passed away?