I believe love is what controls us all. Whether you admit it or not we are all searching for ‘the one’, we all want to know what this word ‘love’ feels like and why it is so great; we want to find that person who will love us for all that we are.
Through my life I’ve been in a long term relationship and short term relationships, but no one ever made me feel like they were the person I was destined to spend my life with. I believe when you find the person you know, and for a long time I searched for the answer to my ‘one’.
But this year, I found a love that has never compared to any relationship I have been in. I learnt to love who I am.
I know how awfully cringe that statement sounds, but I really did.
For me, 2018 was the year I fell in love. But, with myself. And I’ve never felt better, or more optimistic.
Summer for me was when I realised a massive change in myself. I saw part of the world on my own, and although I already knew I was very independent, it enhanced the idea in my mind that I really don’t need anyone else to do the things I want to do.
I spent months meeting people from across the world, who loved me for my bare face, odd personality and just for being me.
I gained life long relationships from knowing people for a mere 10 days and learnt that being my true self was the best version of myself. I didn’t care whether people liked me or agreed with me. And the result was that in fact, they did like me.
After an amazing summer and feeling on top of the world I went back to university and never felt better.
My personal tutor sat with me for a meeting. And after I spoke he turned to me and said that he didn’t even recognise me as the girl he knew in first year, and couldn’t believe just how much I’d change.
And it isn’t only him. People have commented on how much I’ve grown and how my confidence has developed.
That’s the best part of being in love with me. People take note on it. It’s as though something in your exterior changes and you have a different glow.
I’m aware this post is awfully cringe. But I spent a long time trying to get over someone, who forgot about me in two minutes. It was a really hard pill for me to swallow.
But, I can’t thank that person enough for breaking my heart. Because, although it took an extremely long time to get over and months of me moaning to my friends, it’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
I am such a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and I believe he broke my heart for a reason.
If I was still sheltered by being In a relationship with my childhood sweet heart, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
I wouldn’t have gone travelling, I wouldn’t have the confidence in myself that I do today and I wouldn’t have learnt things about myself that I know now.
For years, I thought the way to get ‘closure’ and ‘get over’ the relationship, was by being loved by someone other than him.
But something really did change in me this summer. And I think that’s the moment that I really got over him. Because I realised that no one could ever love me, the way I love me.
I’m so happy being me.