This year I’ve lost many important people to me, my granddad passed away and I no longer have someone in my life who I thought would be there forever. But it got me thinking – what is the worst type of grieving, grieving for someone who has passed away or someone who is still alive?

Losing a loved one to an illness is the most heart breaking feeling in the world. You hold onto every chance for a miracle, that maybe, even though medical professionals said there is no hope, that there is hope, they will survive.

I remember the exact time and place I was when I got told my granddad had passed away earlier this year. I literally couldn’t speak. It was like my whole body went numb. It was the feeling that I could no longer hold onto false hope or prayer for a miracle, reality had took over.

For days I couldn’t think straight, it was such a big shock to all my family and also left a huge whole in the family. We no longer had our concrete base. It is now ten months on and I still don’t think there has been a minute of any day I haven’t thought of my granddad.

But as much as grieving someone who has passed is the most awful feeling in the world, because you know you would trade the world to have them with you today, there also comes acceptance with the fact that they are no longer suffering or in pain. It also helped me to think that my granddad was now back with my grandma, the woman he loved, so if there is a heaven he must be happy.

However grieving someone who is alive is also heart breaking. The fact that you know they are just around the corner is the worst feeling. When someone passes you know they are in peace, with someone who is alive, you would do anything to see them and it is easy to go see them, but you know you cant.

I think the hardest part of grieving someone who is alive is seeing them, yet not even smiling at them. Someone who used to know you like the back of their hand, now you don’t even say hello. Such a funny world.

It’s so hard knowing someone is just getting on with their life. A life you used to be a huge part of, but now mean nothing to. Losing a person is also losing everything and everyone that comes with them, and that is so sad.

In both cases, there comes a point of acceptance and you have to be happy. With my granddad I am happy because I shared amazing memories with him and I know he is in peace now with my grandma. With the person who is alive I accepted that they just simply weren’t meant to be in my life. Sometimes you learn you are better off without people. As the saying goes “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

So what do you think? Which is worse, grieving over someone who is alive or someone who has passed away?

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